What Makes Us

I grew up in Oshodi, a metropolitan suburban and one of the most popular places in Lagos, Nigeria.

For some people, it is not a place to be proud of because of its loud and bizarre state. It is often associated with hoodlum behavior and lousy character, lol. It has its perks and most times I just focus on that.

Growing up is such an experience and as much as anyone tries to tell, they always fall short, you can only give a glimpse of how your past twenty-something (or more, or less) life has been.

I find that people have perceptions, even as deep as where a person grew up and the people around them.

It is a give-and-take situation.

Some people are shaped by environmental factors and the like but then some persons did not conform to those environmental factors, they led and lived their own lives.

When I tell people I grew up in Oshodi, they give me the looks…they probably expect lousiness, a crass form of courage, and a mix of werey but I always shock them. Naturally, I should at the very least exhibit some of these traits but if you know me, then you’ll know I’m more of a direct opposite of all that, I don’t even have all that courage.

So, let’s digress a bit, to our actual ‘mata’

So, in the apartment where I lived with my parents, we had this neighbor, Uncle K. He was/is a fine dude, a spec and a half, I even had a crush on him at some point.

He had this girlfriend, we called her Aunty Ayo, and damn!…she was my definition of beautiful.

We clicked instantly the first time we met, I was barely 14 and she had finished Uni, I didn’t know her age but I could guess she was in her late 20s. I hovered around her all the time. Whenever she was not with Uncle Kay, I was there, listening to her gist and entertaining her with dance and singing. Ordinarily, I am very shy but I found myself doing these things effortlessly with her. Being around her made me feel somewhat beautiful and powerful and I needed that.

She had an aura that even I couldn’t describe, in my little head was perfect. She scored all A points easily in fashion, looks, intelligence, character, and confidence. I was barely 14 and in my little heart, I called her my mentor.

One day, she was dressing up to go out….I sat there on the wine-colored rugged floor in Uncle K’s sitting room watching her intensely, not removing my gaze just so I don’t miss anything.

She was watching me too.

“Do you wish to be like me when you grow up?”

It was a question I never expected. It was precise but the weight it carried. I never stopped thinking about it even after our conversation.

“Yes” I answered with glee in my eyes

She sat down and asked if I was sure of my response. I still gave her an affirmative answer.

She sighed and told me I only want to be an idea of her. I probably like how she dresses, how she looks and how she speaks and perhaps the freedom I think she has.

She looked into my eyes, without a flinch and told me to chart my own course

“You can’t be like me Fortune, you can only be you and with the right values, you’ll be the best you”

I was 14, but I held onto that conversation and those words, even now. Maybe then, it didn’t make so much sense to me but over time it did.

I grew up and I realized wholly that it is not just me in this world. People from different backgrounds, environments and the likes. They are certainly going to have an opinion about me, they are going to want me to do their bidding and on bad days, I may feel the need to please, to cave into ideologies, perceptions and what’s not. I mean, we learn, unlearn and relearn. It is a constant process.

I know my values, my value system and I didn’t really understand how important all these were until I replayed that conversation with Aunty Ayo in my head a few years ago.

Your values form the foundation of your life. They dictate the choices you make and determine the direction that your life takes. Your values will influence your decisions related to your relationships, career, people and other activities you engage in.

We need to start having conversations around who we are and what makes us, not on the basis of environmental, tribal or societal factors.

Know and decide on values that are going to push your motives behind purposeful action and of course a better life.

Fortune Okogun